me & peach

Ok. Baby Peach. Let's get ready to enter the world.

2012-02-14T19:23:00.000-06:00

38 weeks. I had a pretty crappy week.

This weekend with P&D. Baby bowtie. It's pretty rad.

While we craft, the frenchies sleep.

39 weeks. Baby dropped!

Pictures of late.
It was a really rough week last week. I couldn't really walk and I was so emotional I cried for 6 hours straight at one point. Thanking my lucky stars for my friends and the baby. Friends that can relate, that can't, that even just listen. That hold my hand while I cry. Thank you David my acupuncturist for helping my baby move.Thank you for Dowton Abbey and the hilarity of Maggie Smith. Thanks even to my Stella for snuggling and being my constant companion.

I am also mourning Whitney passing. poor Whitney. For any of those who know me, you know I have a love for her music. Shit, that lady could sing. I especially love her dance mixes and The Preacher's Wife soundtrack. Also her late 90's amazingness. Even her Crack is Wack comment that I remember watching on tv...

Also, I have become quite emotional about birth and baby time. Realizing I am doing this alone starts to get scary all of a sudden. Realizing my life has no plan anymore and I am not really in control of it is also scary.

Anyway. A little snow here in Chicago, some crafting, reading, Jack baby holding, job interviewing, and even some hot showers.

for the babe

2012-01-31T10:38:00.002-06:00

I will repeat this again and again throughout my child's life:

“Do not grow old, no matter how long you live.

Never cease to stand like curious children

before the Great Mystery into which we were born.”

- Albert Einstein

Katie's gettin' married ya'll

2012-01-30T11:42:00.000-06:00

My Bff of 24 years (we met when we were 5 and haven't gone more than a few days without talking since) is getting married June 2nd. I am lucky to be standing next to her when she walked down the aisle, gives her heart and her vows to Tripp and takes on a new name:)

This was on my car yesterday:)

yes, that is a penis straw. and red lipstick. Katie took it to level 6.

this random, but nice, man took her for a piggy ride around the bar. Hilarity

Katie, Tina, and Kristin. So cute.

This weekend, we had a lady party in her honor in Chicago. We opened some gifts, ate some good food, drank lots and lots of wine (baby peach wasn't in the mood to drink however.. haha) and all danced the night away at a crazy bar. It was a blast. Katie had a good time too... as apparent in the pictures below. 4 more months badaters!

i have a full term baby here.

2012-01-30T08:25:00.000-06:00

37 weeks is officially full term, although I'm not due for another 3. However, it's still a milestone.

In other news. Katie's lady party was this weekend. It was Level 6 to the max. I will post more about it (with some hilarious pictures) later. Becca also had her second child, Jack on Friday. Early, but healthy and adorable. Everyone is having their babies. It makes me curious to know when mine will arrive....

36 weeks and some nesting

2012-01-26T08:14:00.000-06:00

Whoa. I'm nesting more than usual. This weekend I even vacuumed out my kitchen drawers and arranged bottles. It was a very productive weekend for my friends too. Baby Teddy was born to my dear friend Megan. I was lucky enough to meet him already and holy smokes he is so cute, and sweet, and little. Megan is a champ.

This week is almost over and then Katie, and the girl gang from Michigan come in for Katie's lady party. Exciting. I can't believe my BFF is getting married in 5 months.

bad picture, but you can see the growth.

The beginning of the transformation from pretty and modern to baby and sippy.

Finished this book in two sittings. It's honest, funny, and wonderful. Go single moms.

This belly is getting big

Growing

2012-01-20T10:34:00.000-06:00

It's friday, and it's snowing.
Went to see midwife Gina this morning. Shit she is great. I love her gentleness and the way she always touches my arm or knee when she is talking to me. She also told me to mentally prepare for anything at this point, and then told me to schedule an appointment at 41 weeks just to have options. I didn't gain any weight, but did grow a few more centimeters.. even a little more than expected. I hope that doesn't mean peach has a huge head.
Last night, a friend came over for tea and we had a great time chatting. I am blessed to have a few friends pregnant (without saying too much.. one is in labor now and I am so excited I can't sit still. I've been worrying and hoping for labor for her for 2 weeks so this is a HUGE deal).
I am also giving up on school. The back-stabbing, political, un-organized chaos that is my situation right now is going to be the farthest from my mind until I pack up my things and leave this awful place. I am determined to find a different situation while I have the strength. Determined.

Happy Friday. I hope we get a huge snowstorm.

Week 35.

2012-01-18T11:34:00.000-06:00

I can't believe in less than 6 weeks (ish) I will become a mother. It went so fast. I can't wait to hold my babe. In my arms rather than just inside my womb.

On Monday, MLK day, Philip came over and made me the most AMAZING juice. I am drinking the last of it today and it's not just a beautiful deep redish-purple, but it tastes like ginger goodness and is packed with veggies and fruits. Baby peach LOVES it. kicks like in a swim race after I drink it. Stella also had minor surgery to fix her sad little dew claw. (don't worry, by today she is back in high gear)
On Tuesday, I was a bitch at school. I didn't sleep well at all (didn't go back to sleep after I woke up around 3am ish) and couldn't handle the chaos of the school. However, I did congratulate myself on finishing up a cross-stiching project and watched hours of Downton Abbey (if you haven't watched this show on PBS.. you are missing out. It is by far the best thing I've seen in a long time. Very G rated but dramatic and classic. LOVE IT). I also got an amazing new mama book called Mommy Zen from Kelley and I am really excited to begin it! Also, last night Nina and I face-timed while I was up at 2am. Nina cracks me up by telling me her skin is looking better because she is eating chicken. She is one of my favorites because of her hilarious stories.
On Wednesday, I stalked my union Representative (no luck yet but continue to call every 30 minutes) and am going to acupuncture and therapy. I also washed my hair with a new shampoo and play the Kimbra "settle down" song over and over to boost my spirits while at school. I discussed not wearing PJs underneath clothes to a few students and asked them to not bring school, but rather pencils to school the rest of the week.
The snow here has pretty much melted... but at least the sun is out.

Over and out.

35 weeks. This shirt isn't fitting well anymore.

Cuteness

Look at that juice. holy smokes amazing.

Journey

2012-01-14T11:21:00.001-06:00

It may be that when
we no longer know what to do
we have come to our real work,
and that when we no longer
know which way to go,
we have begun
our real journey.

~ Wendell Berry

34 weeks, snow, and back to the grind

2012-01-13T12:00:00.000-06:00

It FINALLY snowed here in Chicago. What a relief. At least whiteness looks better than dead trees. Stella got a little too wild in the park and came home bleeding. She is fine (and was very tired), but I may have to do some minor bandaging for the next few days until it heals. I am in my 34th week which is both a little freaky, and very exciting. I love being pregnant, and am a little sad about that ending. But, I can't wait to hold a little baby... MY little baby all the time. Stella is ready too. She has been perfecting her naps and sweet winter cuddles. I also got this AMAZING mobile from a gift return at a lovely baby store here in Chicago, I am in love with the design and the funky paper animals.

Also this week: back to the grind of school. Blah. Over the winter break, I won another Donors Choose grant for nearly 300 new sketchbooks. They were delivered Monday after 2:30 so I wasn't as school to sign for them. However, now... no one knows where the 20 boxes are. Lovely. And typical. Ah well. Today is friday. My favorite D is turning 30 today and there are surprises in-store for him.

stella and her poor little paw

34 weeks

mobile!

SNOW

Happy Snow People!

2012.

2012-01-08T14:20:00.000-06:00

I sit here at my home, with my pup, thinking about what 2012 really means.

I have been thinking a lot about the value and fragility of life lately. Friends dying young, or strangers getting sick, or 'parents' starting to have some health issues. Even Stella getting a year older. I have always had a weird and strange nervousness with death. A worry perhaps. I don't believe in a higher power, but have faith in the earth and that people who are 'good' will die just like those who are 'bad'. I don't really think there is a specific reason things happen, although I do think karma plays a strong part in my own life, and that is a moral code (of sorts) that I try to live by.

Carrying a baby is something I am thankful for every second of every day. I am so lucky to have this opportunity to carry life into the world. That is why I want to pull my child into this world without the aid of drugs, and why I want to feel that magic of life, even though I understand the pain. Life is about pain. However, I still feel worried. The baby doesn't move as much (most likely because there is no room!) and I freak out that something is wrong. Stella acts a little older and I have an hour crying spell about her not being around forever. My dad's knees bug him and I freak out about the future. I watch sad movies, listen to sad music, watch friends move on... and it's all just very real. Life is so precious.

So, for 2012. Say I love you to those you do. Hold your friends close. Spend time with babies and older folk. Give your pups more smooches and treats. Watch the sky. Sing in the shower. Say goodbye to those who hurt you (or tell them they hurt you). Make things with your hands. Put your face in the sun. Stomp in the rain. Eat snowflakes. Drink wine. Buy flowers.

Things I have been obsessively looking at recently (that sort-of relate to this):

http://brooks.blogs.nytimes.com/2011/12/01/the-life-report-regina-titus/

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2011/12/20/magazine/lives-they-lived-reader-submissions.html?src=tp#index&smid=fb-share

http://mattkate.bandcamp.com/album/covers (music)

http://www.retronaut.co/2011/10/the-invisible-mother/ creepy but so interesting...

Christmas/New Years/Florida

2012-01-08T10:32:00.000-06:00

Just got back from a week in the keys at my parent's place in Marathon. They are renting a nice condo there for 3 months. It was a little chilly (for Florida), but it was nice to get some sun and relax. While there, we walked everyday on the old 7 mile bridge, went to check out the Sea Turtle hospital, took a day trip to Key West, went fishing on my dad's boat, ate a lot of yummy fish, watched swamp people (my dad's new favorite show). I went to bed every night by 9pm. It was marvelous.Yesterday, my mom drove me up to the airport and we spend a few hours with one of my favs... Margie (Friend Brian's mother) in DelRay. Ate, drank, laughed. Fantastic.

Over New years... I hung out with the Ruggles (including baby Issac), Ross, David and a couple they are friends with. It was low-key, but fun.

Christmas in Michigan was pretty good too. Stella and her love-affair with the fireplace happened again... but we were all disappointed by the lack of snow. However, my mom, Edie, and Katie all threw me an amazing shower and I felt really, really special. It also makes me feel very ready for baby peach.

Pictures:


Christmas. Me and Stel and the bump.

typical stella face.

Florida. 33 and some change weeks.

hot mama in a bathing suit. 33 1/2 weeks.

Sea Turtle Rescue in Marathon.

My dad and his boat. This is taken off their porch looking into the Gulf.

My dad secretly loves Stella. They did this a lot.

She refused to sleep away from the fire.


She was so warm.

Most of the time she got so hot, but still wouldn't move.

annual Christmas Eve gumbo


At Blue Heaven in Key West. This was the norm there. Chickens and roosters everywhere.

Key West. Ocean.

Fishing off my dad's boat

I enjoyed both the sun and the fishing.

my mom played with my iphone. She is cray cray.

At the baby shower, opening gifts. Stella participated and we matched.

31 and 32 weeks.

2011-12-30T22:21:00.000-06:00

32 (actually 32 1/2)

Here are the 31 and 32 week pics. I am 33 weeks on Monday! Time really is flying.

good articles that need to be checked out

2011-12-16T11:25:00.000-06:00

This is what I want to do with my child at preschool age.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/18/nyregion/underground-pre-k-groups-often-illegal-abound-in-new-york.html?pagewanted=1&_r=1&hp

This is what I want to do with my life.
http://lifeandtimes.com/try-a-little-tenderness

Or this.
http://www.nytimes.com/2011/12/14/nyregion/erica-wilson-dies-at-83-led-a-rebirth-of-needleworking.html?ref=design

Wish I was in NYC again so I could see this:
http://www.nytimes.com/slideshow/2011/12/09/arts/design/20111209-BEARDEN.html?ref=design

barely made it.

2011-12-16T10:37:00.000-06:00

Holy smokes. It's finally friday. My three week break from school starts at 1:45. I have to tell ya, I barely made it people. Barely. I almost lost it so many times this week I am embarrassed. I told my bestie P that I wouldn't even begin to tell him the craziness that happened at school in the last week because it was too unbelieveable to say it out loud. But I will sum it up below:

1. A 2nd grade student stole $170 from a teacher. same student tripped another student a few months ago. On both occasions nothing happened to the student. Note: she got the money back because she went to some of the homes of the students. She also had her iPad stolen this week too. She was never given keys to her room.
2. In the class I work in for 2 hours each morning, the attendance was 20-24 students when there were supposed to be 36. Yet today, I looked up online the attendance rate which was 94.6% this week. Shady. Doesn't make sense.
3. A bi-polar 5th grader is new to my class. I am told nothing about him or his history but he joins the class of 38 and I don't blink (I have to borrow a chair from next door however). I find out after he has been in my class all week that he a violent history of assaulting teachers (from another teacher not our admin). great. Gonna have to watch that one.
4. I get yelled at by a parent that my class is too hard (her 2nd grader does NOTHING in my class, therefor got an F). I explained the last sketchbook assignment was to design a pair of pants that could do something special (glow in the dark/dispense money/make you fly etc). She told me that was too hard for him.
5. There was a staff gift share set up by parents. I wasn't included because apparently they forgot about me. nice. merry and happy.

That's just 5. There are about 11.

Anyway. Tonight, I go back to the mit and spend a nice weekend with family, and then Christmas with my parents. I washed Stella (she wasn't happy), brushed her teeth (even less happy) and packed up my car. I am so ready to relax, craft, sit around and eat. Hours. Then I am free.

If I don't update on my trip, I hope you all the best holiday ever. Please remember how special your lives are, even if you hate your job, you think life unfair from time-to-time, or you aren't in love. Life is precious and special and wonderful. If you are reading this, I for one am glad to have you in mine.

Also, if I missed someone on my email list, below is my holiday card this year. Featuring Stella.
http://www.paperlesspost.com/events/1234532-a1a93e3b/replies/preview

Picture from this morning.

2011-12-14T10:27:00.000-06:00

This child/baby/fetus is growing.

Want to go to there

2011-12-12T19:19:00.001-06:00

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2010/07/01/greathomesanddestinations/20100701-seoul.html?ref=garden#1

live here or

http://www.kakslauttanen.fi/en/

stay in the glass igloo here.

seriously.

also want everything from here

http://www.uppermetalclass.com/shop

30 weeks!!

2011-12-12T11:23:00.000-06:00

30 weeks today. I will post another picture, but for now here is me from Saturday in my Nutcracker garb.

I am feeling big, tired, but good.

I can't believe in 10 weeks this baby will be out. Holy smokes.

mama wants.

2011-12-06T18:16:00.002-06:00

Holy smokes I want this bag. It's AMAZING. Wish I spent money on myself.

http://anve.bigcartel.com/product/saco-de-papel-brass

I can't handle it.

2011-12-06T11:42:00.000-06:00

I usually don't sit on my computer and bash my school or my job. Although many times, I should. However, I can't handle this today. This week. This year. Utterly ridiculousness behavior is happening left and right. I am getting reprimanded for field trips to art museums and centers (that are ALL FREE mind you) because they "disrupt the school". I am also getting called nasty and dirty in a 30 minute staff meeting because my principal decided after 5 years that some teachers were sloppy and disorganized. Pitiful.Shameful.Nasty.Dirty. If any of you know me, you know I would never have a dirty room, or unorganized space. It's not in my nature. Kids keep my room CLEAN ya'll because they know that is my standard and they follow it. Or, they stay until it gets that way. However, I was yelled and screamed at like everyone else this morning.

Then, I have lunch duty. I can't handle it. If I see this one more time I am going to scream. Uneaten lunch, but finished chips and 'juice' (juice being purple sugar water). I did make her eat her orange which she was peeling. Can't handle it. Our schools are failing. Our kids are dying from poor nutrition. And nothing is happening except a longer school day. So we can stay locked in our schools with 40 plus students in a room? So we can stand by while they eat crap all day? So I can yell and scream and carry on about manners? So I, a National Board Certified teacher with a Master's degree, can not be allowed to take field trips? No thanks Board of Ed. I am not doing this because I want more money or am greedy. I can't handle it. Can you?

Natural births and such

2011-12-05T10:31:00.000-06:00

http://dearbabyblog.com/post/13549038217/lets-talk-about-birth-life-as-a-parent-is-all#disqus_thread

This mama has such a great blog (although she sure makes life look carefree and easy). I also LOVE her list on this post of resources and links. I am reading the Ina May's Guide to Childbirth right now.

Yay for natural births. I know some people find it odd and I get the question "but why go through the pain when you don't have to?". Pain is part of life, and I want to pull my child into this world.

In other news. I looked up baby names, Ford and Wren on baby name voyager. Ford was most popular in 1910 when it was number 608th. Wren wasn't ever on the list. which means it wasn't ever in the most 1,000th popular names.

Today

2011-12-04T17:55:00.000-06:00

So, today I cried at the Folgers commercial where the son comes home from war and talks to his sister in the kitchen. She puts the red bow on him and says he is her christmas present. Killed me.

Then, I went to a mall and had a Auntie Annie's Pretzel and it was so delicious.

Then, my birth partner suggested a poop party before I get birth because one thing I am freaked out about is pooping while I am in labor. That's why I chose him people.

Then, I watched another christmas movie and listened to more christmas music.

Today is a good day. And I don't have to go to bed for 3 more hours.

ps. My buddy Hamilton is cutting off his nearly 5 year old dreads today. He is sending me the one I crocheted on our camping trip to NY last fall. YAY.

birthing and 28 weeks.

2011-12-01T10:26:00.000-06:00

whoa. 28 weeks. Finally got my hair trimmed, and I am sad about the lost inches.

This is a great article that puts my mind at ease (at least a little), but also makes me a little worried. I wonder how my sometimes crazy life is going to impact my child. I am guessing it will make them sometimes-crazy. :)

BABBLE ARTICLE

THIS image has been all over facebook, but it's so cool I want to share. Powerful. One of many reasons I want a natural birth. I want to pull my babe into this world. Literally.

Going for a swim today and then a nap and a good meal. December 1st is shaping up to be a good day so far. Can't believe that in less than 12 weeks I will be a mother. Holy smokes.

pamper

2011-11-29T22:00:00.000-06:00

pampering myself. thinking about myself. thinking about what I will look like and be like once this babe comes.

I don't plan on dating. But I do plan on still taking care of myself for me. Tomorrow I am going to get a hair cut. The first in more than a year and a half (no joke). I will look at these things and cry. Because it's okay to still hope. I also splurged and bought the expensive Mama Bee's Body Butter 'cause its soooo amazing. And then I am going to the Twilight movie. I can't wait.

I sit here with my pup and my kicking belly. I can no longer see my lady parts. But I am so so happy.

Only three more days until the weekend.

Chicago Baby shower Pictures

2011-11-29T12:16:00.001-06:00

Yan Yan got this for my place. It's a peach!!!

Rainbow food. from reds to blues and everything in between. Gorge.

Philip's rainbow cake. Isn't it lovely?

Rainbow pompoms and clean lights!

Getting set up before.

Philip and his AMAZING cake

Me and Becca (she is one week behind me and having another boy!)

hyphenate. Belly. Good Tuesday. GO.

2011-11-29T12:09:00.000-06:00

Baby peach is getting a hyphenated last name. And... it's a mouthful. Kris/Edie got me thinking about it this weekend and then I found this article on it in the Times. HERE.

I had a really amazing holiday weekend. Thursday was a little rocky, but Friday, Saturday, and some of Sunday with the Allens, Merizons, Butlers was so wonderful. I wished we all lived closer. They are like sisters and their kids like nieces and nephews. Food, laughs, stories, and advice is always involved. I will get to see some of them again at Christmas in Michigan, but everyone else ( and baby Allen) next summer on Beaver. Can't wait.

Here are some pictures from the weekend:

me at 27 weeks (last week)

Syd, Max, Lil, Kyle at Shedd

Kelley and I (she is 4 weeks behind me in cook time)

baby showers

2011-11-22T09:43:00.000-06:00

I feel so incredible loved after this weekend. I had my Chicago Shower with all my Chicago friends. P&D threw an amazing rainbow themed party with crafts, videos, drinks, and love. My nursery is filling up quickly with lovely gifts and home-made items. Both the crib and changing table match. Everything is coming together. I can't wait to meet this babe.

Pictures to follow. As well as the 27 week pic. I may wait until the weekend when I will have four days to blog and relax. Right now, it's all I can think about. Imagine your worst nightmare and then imagine having to go visit it three days this week. That's me and my job. Sometimes it's great to be a teacher. Right now is NOT one of those times.

Thanks to my friends. You don't know how much I cried re-reading your sweet cards and unpacking my babe's room. Happiness and Hope. Love. Friendship. Support. Thank you thank you thank you.

Happy and Sad and Missing

2011-11-18T11:27:00.000-06:00

What do you want first? The good or the bad news? (I actually hate when people ask me that question)...

Happy News! I am pretty excited to be in my friend Kelli's Chicago Wedding next December. She asked me last night as we got pedis and surprised the heck out of me with a lovely bouquet of hydrangeas and roses in a modern square vase. Kelli and I have been buds since elementary school and like to pamper ourselves and watch Twilight movies together. It's our thing and I love it. I am also excited about it because I was part of her and her to-be husband meeting. We went to a party back in 2006 and they were googly-eying each other all night. Finally, when Pat when to get some beer at the keg, I pushed Kelli there too and that's when the magic happened. Dates, laughs, love, and now marriage followed. Couldn't be happier for them. Other happy news: my Chicago baby shower is this weekend and Katie is coming into town tomorrow to take part in it. I can't wait to talk wedding and try on my maid-of-honor dress for her so we can have a good laugh. It totally doesn't fit, but thought it would be fun for kicks.

Sad News! My pregnancy buddy M is having some blood pressure-related issues that go along with preeclampsia. I am really bummed about it for a number of reasons, many of which fall under the category: but it's not fair. She is getting lots of testing and shots and staying strong through it all. Good thoughts need to be sent her way please.

Missing News: I miss Dark and Stormy's. It's that time of year (shit, it's always that time of year). I miss that dark rum and gingerly amazingness. I also miss a male-relationship hug and cuddle. I also miss the warm sun on my face and I find myself missing my stone-washed skinny skinny jeans. However, I know that all these thing times 167 will never add up to how much I am going to miss my babe the first time I am away from he/she. Still, I can miss.

Next week: Thanksgiving. Then three weeks (which include 3 field trips and the nutcracker) then Michigan for another shower and Holiday Celebrations. Then Florida. Then some school before baby peach. Holy shit, lots to look forward to.

26 weeks.

2011-11-16T11:17:00.000-06:00

Yes, Stella is going cray cray in the background. And I continue to get bigger.

Tuesday for p

2011-11-15T16:44:00.002-06:00

There is so much to share today. lots has reminded me of my birth partner and bestie Philip.

This video: (he has a little interest in body painting lately)
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8UVNT4wvIGY&feature=youtube_gdata_player

This trailer: we just saw this actress in another movie on Friday, and this one looks equally as beautiful and moving. I hope my babies turn out so cute and special and happy. http://www.thetreefilm.com/

These coloring sheets: http://www.liveinternet.ru/users/annettika/post174331274/page1.html#BlCom598709202

These crazy French men. They are doing it. Living life. Philip can appreciate:) http://vimeo.com/31240369

This picture here... not really "him" but the rest of it.

And last but not least. P, once you make some music, you're gonna have to make some sweet vids. Like this.

whoa belly

2011-11-10T08:17:00.000-06:00

Belly is getting big. 25 weeks last Monday.

Things I've been a little crazy about of late...

2011-11-09T20:13:00.001-06:00

Pinterest. It's pretty amazing. Here is mine.

My new hunter boots. I love them and my feet never get wet. Today, I even went towards the puddles just to get wet:)

Counting down the days to the end of the week/next break etc. I am having a hell-of-a-year and I can honestly say my job is not fun right now. Friday is no-school and I can't wait to sleep in.

Nice guy at the tire store. He was nice and replaced a rear brake light for free. I will go back to get my oil change from him from now on.

Therapy. I would still be a total mess if I didn't see E every week.

I wish I was in NYC this week. If so, I would be at these two shows... ASAP.
Joan Mitchell at Cheim and Read. My favorite artist and her pretty great work. Check it out!
The New Museum's new show. Can I saw 102 foot slide for adults. Through floors? Amazing.

Ohdeedoh (apartment therapy's kid-related section). I love it. Great ideas. The latest was a start-wars themed baby room... wowza. classy.

Going to bed at 9pm.

This book. Miranda July is cray cray, but I wanna read this book. http://www.amazon.com/Chooses-You-Miranda-July/dp/1936365014

I am not going to parent ALONE

2011-11-04T11:35:00.000-05:00

Another day, another worry: but today, it's a lack thereof. I am no longer worried (not that I have really ever been worried for more than a few hours) about bringing up a baby alone. However, with the stress of getting bigger and having less energy, there has been an obvious and natural hesitation about being a SP (Single Parent). For the large majority of my friends and family, there is no single parenting (J you have pretty much been doing it and you are AMAZING at it). Certainly not by choice, and not from day 1.

So, instead of getting worried or sad or feeling alone, I am going to DO something about it. First, research. Here are some pretty interesting things I have been reading about online.
Padma Lakshmi is A-mazing
Single as a Choice
Ms. Single Mama
Single Mom Survives
Two Chicks and a Hen
Pepperrific Life
(more to add later) Second, I am ASKING for help. Not something natural for me, but something I am doing. My Dad is helping me build closet storage, P&D have been my rocks and come over just to take heavy loads from my car to the house. I even ask my students to carry and get up on chairs for me and it has strengthened the relationships with them. I am just one person, and I can't do it all. Last, but certainly not least, I am going to TALK about it. Ask questions, gather information, and do not assume others are judging me. I am a little sad I can't do all the crazy fun things I used to, but I am pregnant. I will be able to dance again, but I am growing a small human inside me. I will have my hot bod back again, but after I grow and stretch to accommodate this little peach. And it's all OK. Just because I am doing this as a single rather than a couple, I will still make time for me. However, I still will get grouchy sometimes that I have to take Stella out when a baby is crying. Or curse my words from time to time when the baby is up all night sick or having a melt-down. It's not going to be easy, but I won't be alone.

Lately...

2011-11-02T14:29:00.000-05:00

There is the peach at 21 weeks. Cute little profile.

Lately, I've been growing. And worrying. And thinking. And crying. Not always in a bad way, just emotional in general.

The peach wants milk, and lots of it. Peach also likes Trader Joe's pumpkin ice cream and 5-guys burgers. I've been trying to make more of an effort to eat this week because sometimes I just am not hungry or too tired to eat enough. I've been reading a book a night to the baby in the rocker and Stella has started to follow me into the room and sleep on the couch when I do this. The peach loves the night time and the early morning. Kicks and moves around like crazy. I am still ever thankful for my friends with their small gifts or kind words. It means more than they probably know.

My parents are coming this weekend. My dad is going to put up some shelves in the newly-plastered and painted closet in the baby room and my mom is coming to my 2nd birthing class with me. P and I went to the first last weekend and it was just incredible. Holly from HollyHelps is my birth mentor and placenta-encapsulation specialist. She is super rad and I really am relieved to have such an informed and kind birth mentor:)

This is also what I've been eating. Waffles with butter. Yep, butter.

This is how stella sleeps on my preggo pillow.

This is the Z&H sandwich that I can't live without. Pig on pretzel. With pickles. Enough said.

24 weeks. Whoa baby.

In other news.... my boobs still haven't stopped growing, much to my dismay. And shirts that were super large before fit perfectly now over the bump. 24 weeks this week. Growing...

22 weeks and growing

2011-10-18T12:51:00.000-05:00

Whoa. This peach is growing up a storm. My appetite seems to have come back and anytime I eat anything, I seem to expand right away. I am 22 weeks yesterday.

In other news. I am so frustrated with school. My students are so mentally stunted it really is killing me. I am no longer a teacher but a daycare worker. I literally can't ask my students to think for themselves or do something creative that they made up on their own. They are hardly asked questions, and it is evident when I do ask them things. It's sad, really. They are stunted kids. I sat next to a first grade girl today at lunch. I ask her, "so, what did you do over your two-week break?" She looks blankly at me. I said, "do you remember that we were on a two-week break away from school? What did you do when we weren't in school?" She just looks at me. Some students said they ate food (chicken and candy). A few mentioned various parties they had. Another first grader said her mother just had a baby, and I asked, "oh! What's the baby's name?" She couldn't remember. REALLY? Can't remember. Has no one told her?

I am sick. I can't believe these are the sort of people we have in the world. We aren't stopping them, all of these first graders will pass on to second without being able to answer simple questions. They will pass on without knowing how to read, or even understand fully what letters are. Maybe some of them will be able to write their names clearly. I hope. I don't know how much longer I can do this. I really don't.

damn

2011-10-17T19:13:00.000-05:00

damn. i am back at school and it sucks. part of me wishes i could be a stay-at-home. i promise i would make everything from scratch and clean all the time and raise amazing kids.

however, i am not and i have to work. and then i have to come home and be alone. most days i don't mind, but today would have been nice to have someone cook me a meal, snuggle on the couch with me and stel, and tell me i don't look like a whale.

however, that's not the case.

Staycation so far.

2011-10-10T23:20:00.000-05:00

I made this nursing pillow. Stella likes it. A lot.

This is what happens when the fall weather makes a certain dog jump into the Chippewa river. Tired.

Fall colors. Stella loves it.

21 weeks today.

Amazing Baby sites I love

2011-10-10T23:17:00.000-05:00

Just a few.

http://www.beso.com/joanna-goddard-editor-home

http://www.ecomom.com/eco-friendly-play-and-education/toys/wood-toys.html

wants/needs

2011-10-10T23:15:00.000-05:00

Wants:

http://www.etsy.com/listing/76460162/wren-infant-one-piece-grass-green-size-6?ref=sr_list_6&ga_search_submit=&ga_search_query=wren&ga_view_type=list&ga_ship_to=US&ga_search_type=handmade&ga_facet=handmade

http://unaportland.blogspot.com/search/label/jewelry

http://www.ohdeedoh.com/ohdeedoh/high-chairs-boosters/new-from-culdesac-the-ovo-high-chair-design-boom-157313 Isn't this AMAZING?

http://www1.bloomingdales.com/catalog/product/index.ognc?ID=545882&PseudoCat=se-xx-xx-xx.esn_results

hairromance http://www.hairromance.com/
want her to do my hair everyday. I try her techniques. fun times.

Needs:
one more lane credit.
someone to walk stella when I am too tired.
A cook.

Staycations

2011-09-30T19:14:00.003-05:00

"A staycation (also spelled stay-cation, stacation, or staykation) is a neologism for a period of time in which an individual or family stays and relaxes at home, possibly taking day trips to area attractions."

I don't have to be an official teacher again until October 17th. I have some real adventurous plans. Apple picking, Stella snuggle time, three baby books (how to make them happy, how to make them sleep, and how to make them 'normal'), sewing sewing sewing, knitting, sweater weather happiness, an ultrasound, some major journaling, some major best friend times.

This week has been a real sucker punch. School was hell. Almost literally. It rained all week so Stella hated life. I had a few therapy sessions to get out some emotion. I am back working on an afghan I started almost 10 years ago, and am determined to finish this winter. I ate too much turkey jerky and oatmeal. I watched modern family and peed a little (hey. it happens when you are growing a small human inside you). I felt my peach kick and poke me. Thanks dude, I know you are there. I also have been listening to music and singing in places other than the shower. This week, I asked for help more than once. I also felt guilty and sad some too. I had a special ed student draw the funniest picture about burping. Last, but certainly not least, I thanked some lucky stars because I am healthy and have the BEST friends. Another childhood friend got engaged and I am lucky to have the chance to say congrats. Katie is planning and I am lucky to stand by her side in June when she becomes a Mrs. I am lucky to have diverse friends that make me ponder and love me still. One of my favorite mamas and I had some major laughs and continued to talk about cloth diapers. P&D continue to amaze me with their generosity. I get texts each morning to wish me a good morning. It's amazing how little things in life mean so much. I know David isn't thrilled that I shop for baby clothes at the thrift shops, or that I still won't find out if peach is a girl or boy... but he still loves me. And P... he sent me this. I think about it a hundred times a day.

Love after Love
by Derek Walcott

The time will come
when, with elation,
you will greet yourself arriving
at your own door, in your own mirror,
and each will smile at the other's welcome,
and say, sit here. Eat.

You will love again the stranger who was your self.
Give wine. Give bread. Give back your heart
to itself, to the stranger who has loved you
all your life, whom you ignored
for another, who knows you by heart.

Take down the love letters from the bookshelf,
the photographs, the desperate notes,
peel your own image from the mirror.
Sit. Feast on your life.

the peach ( well now a mango)

2011-09-27T10:17:00.000-05:00

In the spirit of others sharing and rainy-dreary days, I am telling my blog that I am 19 weeks pregnant. It's been a whirl-wind, but I can say that I am excited to be a single mom, I feel great, and I am so ready for this next adventure which is my most important yet.

Here are the weird/random set of pictures I have taken so far. I gained a lot of weight (10 pounds) in the first trimester and have only gained 2-3 since. I was STARVING at the beginning, and now... not as much. Just want peaches, turkey jerky, oatmeal, rice, roast chicken and apple juice.

At this point, I have more feelings it is a boy.. .but I really don't care either way. As long is it is happy and healthy and is ready to rock... This week it can start hearing my voice so I have been singing my birthing theme some "sea of love" by Cat Power to the peach. (I started calling it a blueberry, then as it grew a peach and that one really stuck so I call it peach a lot)...

5 weeks (right before I left for Europe)

7 weeks (In Morocco)

15 weeks

18 weeks (weird angle)

19 weeks

i am sick and tired of being sick and tired.

2011-09-21T19:44:00.000-05:00

Tonight. I. will. take. some. breaths.

Because I am sick and tired about being sick and tired.
I am tired. Can't get out of bed in the morning.
I am tired. I hate the waivers that our silly board has been trying to make us sign some silly shit.
I am tired. Of doing it all.
I am tired. Of not being able to see the bright side of teaching in this school system forever.
I am so so tired. I need sleep, love, friendship, and a good teaching contract for the next 5 years of my teaching career.
I actually need these things. NEED.

On other, brighter notes. I am a mother lion and I am ready to roar.

Recently.

2011-09-12T20:25:00.000-05:00

Not ready for too many pics. But a few of what I have been working on. I love how it is looking so far!

Also, a mix I made and listen to (and you can too!!!)
http://8tracks.com/meandpeach/meandpeach-s-baby-mix?mix_set_id=7556332

This is my agent's site and I made it to the home-page!!!! Check it here!
http://www.realtalentinc.com/?gclid=COat48aFmasCFQLBKgodkQ0vhQ
A close up here: (and some really bad pics I need to go in and update!!!)
http://www.realtalentinc.com/talent/4505

It's already September?

2011-09-10T22:58:00.000-05:00

Wowza. I still can't believe summer is over. We are in our 6th week of school and my blueberry is now a turnip. I think I'm doing things in the opposite way.... Nesting more than documenting. I haven't taken a picture of my belly in weeks, but have the goods for the room painted. The wall is nearly done, and it looks quite amazing. I can't tell if Stella is amnoyed or amused with all the new furniture, but she snoozes on the bed as I paint.
I can't get enough ramen noodles or brown rice. I also seem to always be uncomfortable at night.. A very full feeling.

In other, more interesting news. Babies...marriage...engagement! A week ago I was in Seattle marrying my friend Nina and her amazing partner ... Now husband... Luke. It was a magical couple of days and I am so happy I was able to be such a big part of it. Then, the next day, Katie called me and told me she and Tripp are getting married....excitement! I couldn't be more excited for my best friend of nearly 24 years. Another friend Joyce, had a baby and boy is he cute!!!

K, I promise to post some pictures and write more, I've been doing-going-done....

things and things

2011-08-22T20:18:00.000-05:00

http://www.handmadecharlotte.com/rafting-sea-otters/
SOOOO cute

http://joannagoddard.blogspot.com/2009/04/how-to-make-baby.html
This is also cute. And funny.

http://www.hiphipgingin.com/2011/08/08/stop-the-pressure/
Smart.

Um. Saturday is a great day.

2011-08-13T15:18:00.001-05:00

Productive. Interesting.

Farmers Markets, laundry, dry cleaning, estimates on new bathroom, walks, bank, errands, sun...

and checking out blogs that I have not in a while.

Thanks to Adam for a link to this little piece of magic. I will be sitting in this movie with a newborn. No joke. I'm going to get some baby earplugs so we can see it. http://www.thehungergamesmovie.com/

Listened to this today: lovely and inspiring. http://www.ted.com/talks/thandie_newton_embracing_otherness_embracing_myself.html

Kinda still/always want/ed to be like these Gypsies... http://iainmckell.iainmckell.com/#1254051/The-New-Gypsies

Thanks to Kate Miss, I've been listening to this playlist over and over and over again. http://8tracks.com/shespeaksoceans/ladies

And, I just got a new toilet seat and cover that doesn't slam. The little things in life that are wonderful.

Back at the grind....

2011-08-03T20:04:00.000-05:00

Back to school... arg. I walked into my classroom today and it was 98 degrees. I opened all the windows, turned on the fans... and left to sit in the air conditioned office for a half hour until it cooled a bit. Not much, but a little bit. My theme for the art room last year was Peace, this year. Calm. Calm Calm Calm. White and minimal.

Beaver Island was wonderful. Stella and I had a fantastic time with the Butler clan. When I wasn't eating, I was reading, walking, swimming with Syd, painting faces or nails. Stella was wild. Exploring woods, the lake, dunes... and making friends with Jenn who insisted she looked like a pig. She is such a good dog. I feel guilty because she isn't very happy to be home.

Stella on the ferry... not amused.

Stella and Sydney, best of friends.


Stella loved to sleep in the sun.

Or sleep with a nice little cover-up from Syd.

She LOVED sleeping next to Jenn.

One amazing sunset.

An evening stroll with Stel.

My most favorite picture of her.

Storm is brewing...

On the way home. Very tired.

My favorite place in the world.

Two swans in the sunset.

Sky.

Yet another sunset.

back from traveling. but still traveling.

2011-07-19T14:39:00.001-05:00

I am back from my crazy three-week adventures in Europe and North Africa. I had a great time, but I am exhausted. There seems like so much to do, with so little time and it is hard to stop and think about not getting it all done ASAP.

I will post pictures, just not now. I also will tell stories of camel rides, culture shocks, weird food, topless beaches, and beauty. Our world is amazing. I am so lucky to be part of it. And lucky to get the chance to see it.

My prune and I are tired. It is so hot here today and the beaches are closed because of this weird fog everywhere. I went to this little dog beach in Belmont harbor with Stel. She had fun. I can't wait for next week and the island. I know that she can't either. It really is her and my favorite place in the world.

Me and the blueberry. Traveling

2011-06-30T01:42:00.000-05:00

Bonjour de Bordeaux. It's so amazing here. Clear air, beauty and I just can't get enough of the language. I'm off to the coast, the beach for two nights. Then I'll be back in Bordeaux for another day. London was good. It's funny because things look much more majestic, when in fact, the main attractions weren't all that spectacular. Westminster was gorgeous, but buckingham palace wasn't overwelming. However, I much enjoyed all the royal gardens and the wildlife and flora that lived there. Food wasnt food. At all. Scotland, now that was breathtaking. The hills, rocks, and lochs (lakes). Like nothing I'd ever seen. I stayed at hostels, and a b&b.. In which I had a full Scottish breakfast with blood sausage. Blueberry likes meat, go figure. Edinburgh was much more interesting than London as a city to me... Very historic and the castle... Holy smokes. It sits atop a large , very large, rock that is quite a climb. So so cool. I can't post pics via my phone. Scottish are nicer than the Brits in my opinion. The highlands are a place I'd go back to. Yesterday was a long day and sickness is hitting me at night, rather than in the morning. I took a long shower last night, opened my windows here in centre ville, and am still hearing the sweet sounds of the French language. I wish I spoke it:(
And I'm off.

Leaving on a jet plane.

2011-06-21T10:27:00.000-05:00

I am off. Until the 11th of July. I leave in the morning and even though I will miss my life here, I am off for my last, big vacation ALONE. It's going to be so good, maybe even a little sad (well not sad as I am on the beaches of the south of france)... and I will be back shortly.

Over and out.

Thinks are happening.

2011-06-16T08:32:00.001-05:00

Things are happening. Big things. Great things. Wonderful things.
1. my bestie Philip is on a real journey and it's amazing to watch.
2. I leave for Europe in less than a week.
3.......

in the spirit of allison: ALL THINGS GO

more later. For now:

http://shannoneileenblog.typepad.com/happiness-is/2011/06/fashion-animals.html isn't this BEA-utiful?

http://yarnbombing.com/ I did this this past weekend and it was FAB

http://vimeo.com/24243147 I am totally in love with this beet cake video

June June June Birds....

2011-06-06T09:52:00.000-05:00

Things going on in the land of Allison....
-Little camping adventure this weekend to Wisconsin with S&S. Fun, although I could have done without the allergies and possible Poison Ivy... Thanks so much.
-Stel face is real cute these days. She gets worn out so easily from the hot days and likes to look funny as she snoozes.
-Trying to get everything worked out before my big push to Europe. Grades, finishing grant projects, cleaning up room, preparing my master's homework for my 3-week hiatus, getting BF time in, packing (and planning what to pack), tour books, etc.... lots to do it seems.
-cooking, summer concerts. trying to get that all in...
-A NEW BIKE! I am thrilled to ride it this weekend (I think)... S built it for me and it's my color. CAN'T WAIT!!!
Things I like:
-Story Stones : http://www.ohdeedoh.com/ohdeedoh/story-stonesred-bird-crafts-147919
-Peonies, favorite flower: http://www.ohdeedoh.com/ohdeedoh/story-stonesred-bird-crafts-147919
-A-mazing book: http://www.ohdeedoh.com/ohdeedoh/books-guides-resources/press-hereby-herve-tullet-142863
-Want to live here: http://www.marieclairemaison.com/,un-ancien-silo-transforme-et-peuple-de-meubles-chines,200264,279326.asp
-Yes, please, cookies: http://alkeemi.blogspot.com/2011/03/cookies-on-string.html
-Funny/Weird wedding invite: http://alkeemi.blogspot.com/2011/05/grow-old-with-me.html
-I lOVE this as a way to display!!!!: http://happenstanceca.blogspot.com/2011/05/its-5pm-somewhere_27.html
-Such a cool idea for dating when you have kids! http://shannoneileenblog.typepad.com/happiness-is/2011/06/12-pre-planned-pre-paid-date-nights.html
-From one of my absolute favs, a song from Littlest Buddy, makes my day for sure! http://pacingthepanicroom.blogspot.com/2011/06/littlest-buddy-sings-song.html

Seattle, my love.

2011-06-01T10:34:00.002-05:00

Seattle Bar. Rainer Beer. Done.

Gorg (gorgeous: word of the weekend)

SUMMER!

Looking not to get wet but cool off....

Me and Robin

Volunteer Park Cafe

Volunteer Park Conservatory

CheChe. car rides.

Golden Gardens Beach

Waffles and Hash.

crazies we met at the bar waiting for ferry.

Seattle

Ferry to the Island

Bainbridge Island

Lovebirds

Holy smokes. I love Seattle. I know I've said it before, and I will continue to say it, but it's really where I should be. I flew in late Friday night and went straight to bars with Nina and her beyonce Luke. Dark and Stormy's made us pretty stormy (insert dancing), and after a series of Mariah Carey music videos (Nina), Luke literally carried me to bed. On Saturday, I made them breakfast and we walked a bit around Ballard before hitting up Folk Life downtown (insert dancing). It was filled with lots and lots of sun and great company, food, and music. We went to visit our old friend Mary and her new baby Robin for a small time and then, Nina and I went to see Bridesmaids at night which may just be my new favorite movie (her outfits in the movie were Bomb). Sunday was filled with a brunch at Volunteer Cafe (insert seated dancing) and a walk around the park and conservatory. In the afternoon, we grabbed Luke and CheChe (their chow) and went to Sewards Park before biking to Golden Gardens Beach to have a bonfire and then a late night dinner at a vegetarian thai place that was so amazing (insert dancing). Monday morning Luke made his world-famous waffles in a cast iron... (triple yum) while Nina and I walked around Green Lake. Then, the three of us when to Bainbridge Island for an afternoon of wine, beer, seafood, yam fries and running... yep. running to a ferry twice (once unsuccessfully)(little dancing). Damn it was fun. I miss it already. Magic. Laughs. Friends. Great food. Lovebirds. Great weather. Nothing could have been better for a Memorial Weekend. Nina is a bestie, and I miss her friendship more than I know. She can dance better than many I know, and her strong spirit and giving nature is contagious. She loves Seattle, her man, her city, her kids (at work), herself, Mariah, dancing, good food&drink, and most importantly: life. She;s a good egg for sure. Ah. I love Seattle.....

warmer... finally.

2011-05-24T10:15:00.000-05:00

Art Institute afternoon date. Interesting installation.

Beer under glass at the conservatory. doesn't get better than this.

Rock climbing

first outdoor concert of the season.. it was just nice sitting next to this in the sun.

a lovely dinner from a favorite blogger: lottie & doof

The warmer weather MAY actually be here to stay. I have been hitting Chicago up like it's mine. Well, let's face it, it is. S and I have been meeting up late afternoon style and wandering around our great city. This late-spring/early-summer weather makes me fall back in love with Chicago. Last night, after an iced-coffee and smooching in the park under the sun, we went to this amazing little bakery for a specialty dinner by Lottie & Doof. The cocktail was fresh and wonderful, the lemon ravoli both beautiful and tasty, the soup was a little bland (S's very true opinion) and then the cheesecake and rhubarb sorbet AMAZING. Overall, a beautiful and special night.

In other news: updates on Ally-travel. This weekend I go to Seattle to see Nina. CAN'T wait to see her bright face and see my city although it's going to be chilly and rainy. Don't really care as long as there is water and bloody mary's. Next: small camping roadtrip to New Glarus in Wisconsin. Super fun little trip with S&S (stella is the 2nd S). Going to visit Katie for her B-day before I jet off to Europe. I've made up my mind that I will go to Scotland (after flying into London).. then head down through Spain to Morocco. Then over to France and back to the UK. That's my plan:) After returning, head to pitchfork here on July 16th and then to beaver island for a week. S and I are planning a week-long route 66 roadtrip that I can't even think about without skipping. Roadtripping is my fav. Especially along a historic route to an un-known land. YAY. S&S as side-kicks? fun times to come. Then.... back to school. blah. double blah. That's my summer folks. Living the life. K, lots to do. Holla at your girl.

Bloggy blogs

2011-05-19T10:10:00.001-05:00

http://rikialexandersomatics.blogspot.com/2010/02/welcome.html So so beautiful and wonderful. Thanks Riki.

http://www.theselby.com/ Thanks Scott for this. It's amazing and will/could keep me entertained for hours.

http://shannoneileenblog.typepad.com/happiness-is/2011/05/crochet-covered-sea-stones.html Mama likes. lots.

http://www.myowlbarn.com/2011/05/owl-painted-stones.html Want to do this summer. MUST do.

http://finelittlemess.blogspot.com/ Friday, April 8th. LOVE.

http://statemottosproject.com/gallery/ I love this. Especially the Michigan one.

http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-1388179/Rare-Library-Congress-colour-photographs-Great-Depression.html WOWZAS. amazing images

http://www.ssekodesigns.com/ Creative minds doin' it.

http://www.nybooks.com/articles/archives/2010/dec/23/last-irascible/ Hedda Stone. One of the best of the Abstract Expressionists that I LUV.

Just things I like on this one. More to follow.

crown of braids and living in a blog

2011-05-06T11:03:00.000-05:00

I wear my hair in crazy braids 5-outta-7 days a week. Today, it was a crown of 'em around my head. Yesterday, straight up Heidi-ish with them over the top of my head. Wednesday, pinned up around the back like stairs. And Tuesday in little braided buns along the bottom of my hairline. Monday was the simple high braided bun. I guess I should probably never cut my hair and take more pics. People love the braids.

Also, I want to flipping live in this Swedish blog. Swoon. http://imable.blogspot.com/

Greatness

2011-05-05T10:47:00.000-05:00

http://m.funnyordie.com/search/a?q=Jon+Hamm#/videos/d0112482f5/herman-dune-tell-me-something-i-don-t-know-with-jon-hamm

Mama loves her some Jon Hamm. Swoon.

Thanks A Cup of Jo... this book looks amazing.

Wanna help out some passionate folk? If so... http://honestfare.com/big-announcement/

Thanks to Kate Miss for posting the video that saved my life today. http://vimeo.com/22126654

More amazing music http://www.kickstarter.com/projects/1386668091/cataldo-releases-prison-boxing

Happy May 4th.

2011-05-04T10:49:00.000-05:00

Philip and I may have went to Madonnarama even though we had to teach the next morning. I may have worn spandex, Philip may have worn a deep V. We both may have had a flippin' blast.... shit yes we did.

Today is another day. It's a sunny day. It's a happy day. It's a I-don't-want-to-be-a-teacher day too. I would rather be dancing day. I need to clean my house day. I want to smooch and cuddle with Stella day. Even a I want to hang all day in a park day with a latte and a book.
It's the beginning of may again. I can hardly believe it. Sometimes I pinch myself, or just stare in the mirror to reflect on where I have been and where I am going. I can't fathom what could have happened in my life if things would have turned out differently. I can't imagine life without friends, Stella, Hyde Park, dance, adventures, and love lost and found. I go through daily reflection, weekly-monthly... but at this point, I think I am finally settled. I FEEL different, ACT different, LOVE differently, THINK more thoughtfully, and DO rather than just jumping. As an important yearly marker approaches, I have been feeling both very sad and very lucky. I wish I could have told the people I hurt how silly I behaved. I wish I could have said goodbye to others more quickly. More than anything else, I wish I could have listened to myself, something I do constantly now. I am a lucky, lucky girl. I have a good life-a great life. I am ready for others to join it. I welcome the ones who are also ready for great lives to come on over and drink some wine. I smile a lot. I sing to music more. I dance whenever I can. I still cry because that is also who I am. But... I don't worry any longer about myself and my well-being. I am here, and that feels so amazing.

Side Notes: Day 3 of the week, Day 3 of police visiting our school because of fights.

Seattle Countdown: 23 days.

I hope I end up with someone that looks like any of these guys in a few years. My own dad was also very hip. I just need to dig up proof:)
http://joannagoddard.blogspot.com/2011/05/was-your-dad-hip.html

Probably don't NEED this for baking mini-cakes, but WANT http://www.thekitchn.com/thekitchn/baking-supplies/multitier-cake-pan-from-chicago-metallic-142861

Also WANT this big time. It's so me. http://store.kaufmann-mercantile.com/products/market-fruit-picking-pack

If I was more of a biker, I would NEED this.... http://www.designspongeonline.com/2011/04/bicycle-wine-rack.html

Art.....

2011-05-02T08:08:00.000-05:00

This weekend was Artropolis at the Merch Mart. Although it was overwhelming and I couldn't stay long, I was glad that I went: I saw a Bill Traylor (my favorite self-taught former slave artist) in PERSON. $350,000. Holy Smokes. Amazingness. I stood in front of it for nearly 30 minutes. Also saw some nice Matisse prints...

A Bill Traylor

Matisse Print

And another Matisse Print

Thanks Kate Miss....

2011-04-28T09:22:00.000-05:00

Kate Miss. Thank you for this:
http://forme-foryou.com/2011/04/weekly-music-3.html
I can't stop listening. Dancing my ass off as I grade sketchbooks and drink coffee.

Things I've learned from Zumba

2011-04-28T09:16:00.000-05:00

I've been taking Zumba classes the entire month of April. These are life lessons I've learned:

1. it's fun.
2. i am a good dancer. better than most there.
3. my hips, don't lie.
4. i need to get a better sports bra if i am going to shake what my mama gave me.
5. bucktown is exactly 25 minutes away from my house.
6. the instructor is a fire-cracker.
7. i have nice legs.
8. nothing matters as long as you keep moving/dancing.
9. it's like step aerobics.
10. it's even more fun if you do it with someone you know.
11. bring water. you will sweat.

I have two more classes then I am back to ballet and finding a zumba place closer to HP...it's too far to drive just to dance:)

And moving on...

2011-04-26T10:19:00.000-05:00

Wine tasting in VA

Stella the wilderness dog

I did this.

Stella checking it out for safety

BFFs

State Parking in VA

Oh Sammy

Stella was meant for roadtripping

Kristine and wine

Brother E

Beautiful ceiling of movie theatre. true grit.

Pretty amazing installation at the Botanical gardens in Richmond. Represents abused children.

Kristine and I loved this tree.

Orchids
Okay. I love rain, but I am ready for some serious sun and some serious alone time. I finally planned out the next few months. Going to Seattle area for Memorial weekend to be with Nina and my lover-Seattle:) It's been too long, and I miss it. Nina and I have big plans to island surf which is right up my alley... Next up will be Europe adventures in London, Scotland, France, Ireland, Switzerland, Austria? 3 weeks in Europe, are you kidding me? I leave the day after school lets out in June, and will be back early/mid July. Met an old soul yesterday after a great Easter performance weekend in which I completely blew away my fear of dancing in public and it was one of the best things I've ever done for myself. Had a lovely long afternoon visiting the conservatory and having a coffee and making tofu burgers with a kale/apple salad for dinner. Spending time with P tonight and finishing the week with some art and some more dance. It has been a really intense (surprisingly) month. I am ready to have some serious alone time and reflect on where the world wants me to be or go. Here are some pictures from VA trip...

Traveling

2011-04-21T21:48:00.000-05:00

um. forgot this one: hello.

http://www.welcomebeyond.com/

This and That

2011-04-21T21:47:00.000-05:00

Things I found today that I can't really look at right now because I am "writing a paper" and NOT reading Bossypants by Tina Fey which is SOOOO good BTW....

http://mag.weareselecters.com/2011/04/sticks-and-stones-accessories-strenght-in-layers/

http://kemptlife.com/2011/04/19/musical-intermission-timber-timbre/

http://kellianderson.com/blog/

http://whentheseameetsthesky.blogspot.com/2011/04/dance-dance-otherwise-we-are-lost.html

http://www.designspongeonline.com/2011/04/sewing-101-embroidered-eggs.html

http://blackeiffel.blogspot.com/2011/04/music-monday-peter-bjorn-and-john.html

I WILL be checking these out when I hit up France this summer. WHA WHA? Yep. Going to Europe. Doin' it. Finally.
http://joannagoddard.blogspot.com/2011/04/parisian-potholes.html

Richmond..

2011-04-13T13:14:00.000-05:00

I am in Richmond, visiting my brother, his GF, and their hilariously huge and gentle Great Dane/Hound Sammy. Stella and Sam have become lovers. They spend all day playing, barking (Stella's sounds like a gremlin, Sam's low howl is beautiful). Yesterday, I made quiche, granola, and a pear/blackberry crisp then took the crazies to the dog park and went shopping in Carytown. I ate lunch at CAN CAN, a french spot with great wine, service and a lovely grilled salmon salad. Last night K's dad came into town and we had mexican (with margaritas that were delicious). This morning, I slept in... took a long walk with the dogs through the wetlands and have been catching up on blogs and attempting to do master's hw.... it's not working. The sun isn't out today, but hopefully this afternoon.

Things I found this morning that tickled my fancy...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YT-yylPUtx4&feature=player_embedded why have I never seen this movie?

Having a hard time finding your taste on etsy? Take a taste test!!! http://tastetest.etsy.com/

Thank you to Today's Letters... I am totally going to get this documentary soon ... looks A-mazing. http://www.todaysletters.com/2011/04/waste-land-documentary.html

Beastie Boys. Hilariously great video? Need a say more? Check this out ... haaaaay Elijah :) http://blog.beastieboys.com/

design sponge does a Traverse City city-guide!? http://www.designspongeonline.com/2011/04/traverse-city-guide.html

A Cup of Joe showed my THIS amazing artist this morning... WOW. http://joannagoddard.blogspot.com/2011/04/invisible-man.html

Guess that's all for now. I am going here tomorrow morning... then maybe off to the beach. I need me some serious sun.

It's April, let's dance.

2011-04-02T09:57:00.001-05:00

Hi April! Oh how excited I am that you are here. Last April I was a total mess. Telling my then husband that I was this mess-of-a-person who didn't know north from south, taking off our rings of commitment, and then me proceeding to act like a 20 year-old crazy person was how I spent my 27th birthday. I will always look back at my 27th year in awe; lots of embarrassment, drinking, movement, running, and so so so much growth. 28 could not come at a better time. I feel so different and so happy. I am very aware that while I am not perfect in any way, I can be happy and healthy and feel good about myself and others around me. I am starting a relationship that I never thought could exist, and even though it isn't always easy, I am excited to work on it and see where it leads. I still have sad days where I just want to sleep and cry and remember all those that I hurt so badly. I know a little part of me will be sad that on my celebratory day tomorrow, there are some people in this world that I loved that will not be calling me to wish me well. That still hurts, and probably will for a very long time. However, many of my relationships have gotten stronger, and for that I am so thankful. While last year, I was sad to see the growth and excitement in others (friends getting married and having babies), at this point I cry tears of complete joy. I am thrilled that today I get to go to a baby shower to celebrate years of hope in the form of two little girls, thrilled that my BF from college DJ-LJ is stopping by with a bday surprise, and that next weekend my BFF Kate and childhood friend Kel are having an all day spa day. And of course, P and I will be dancing my birthday night away at madonnarama tomorrow night, even though we both have to teach early Monday morning. That's just how we roll, we understand the importance of a night of sweat, gay men, dancing, madonna, and a few drinks. It does a body, friendship, and soul good. It's so funny. I DO feel older on this birthday. I do feel A YEAR older. I am ready for you 28. Bring it on. Shut it down. Wear it out. Hard. First order of business. Do a little HW. Second order: frisbee time with Stella. Later on: hanging, planning paris, and wearing red lipstick ALL day tomorrow. Happy birthday me.

PS I will be doing a few catch-up posts: one about my trip to Adrian last weekend with DJ-LJ which was dramatic. Another about my upcoming trip to VA to see E&K and Sam. And then another about my amazing home-cooking that has taken up so much of my time lately. I haven't eaten out since..... shit, I can't even remember. For dinner one month ago before Madonnarama with P. I had Z&H once since then. HOLY that is a long time. Nightwood tomorrow is going to be such a treat:)

sandals

2011-03-25T13:23:00.002-05:00

Hello beautiful sandals!

http://www.sundancecatalog.com/category/footwear-and-bags/sandals.do?sortby=ourPicks&page=all

Mama wants

2011-03-22T09:12:00.000-05:00

Wants. Not needs.
http://store.mociun.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=49_53&products_id=485 These are so beautiful. swoon. and they match these... double swoon. http://store.mociun.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=49_53&products_id=492

love shoes like this right now: h http://www.ninaznyc.com/index.php?main_page=product_info&cPath=66&products_id=184 ttp://www.ly.st/shoes/no6-honey-clog-with-t-bar-detail-leather-beige/ and http://www.funkis.com/clogs-sandals-1/ankle-strap-natural.html and http://us.topshop.com/webapp/wcs/stores/servlet/ProductDisplay?beginIndex=0&viewAllFlag=&catalogId=33060&storeId=13052&productId=2208491&langId=-1&sort_field=Relevance&categoryId=257488&parent_categoryId=208586&sort_field=Relevance&pageSize=200&refinement

Sweet skirt: http://needsupply.com/womens/bottoms/long-skirt-25346.html

Natural toothbrushes: http://www.re-nest.com/re-nest/bathroom-supplies/the-environmental-toothbrush-by-dr-nat-105575

Great Etsy Shop: http://www.etsy.com/shop/inaluxe?page=2 and toliet paper art http://www.myowlbarn.com/2011/02/anastassia-elias-toilet-paper-art.html

Cool New blogs to check out: http://www.butdoesitfloat.com/1182808/Try-to-listen-to-me-Repeat-after-me-Nothing-Nothing-No and http://reelfootlibrary.com/v2/

Ruins of Detroit, coolest stuff I've seen in a long, long time: http://blogs.denverpost.com/captured/2011/02/07/captured-the-ruins-of-detroit/2672/

10-day peace program I want to be part of: http://www.dhamma.org/en/schedules/schpakasa.shtml#course

Cool Animal Video: http://wilde-dieren.nl/intro

And Always remember this: http://alkeemi.blogspot.com/2010/12/things-we-forget.html
"You don't have a soul. You are a soul. You have a body." c.s.lewis

Updates

2011-03-21T13:40:00.001-05:00

March has been a month of realizations and surprises. I am finally here. In the place I have always wanted to be. Happy and content, stable and loved. I have found myself and am ready to stay still. I still pinch myself so I know it is all real, and still can't get over the fact that everything in my life has lead up to this moment. I am so thankful. Thankful I was in a crazy relationship, thankful I got married and learned so much, thankful for inner growth, strength, sadness, and depression, and very very very thankful for friends and friendships and advice. Most thankful for this little man. I had a good day on your first birthday.

things and things

2011-03-02T08:28:00.000-06:00

things.
la de da.
i'm feeling very alive today.
maybe it's because I am test driving a 5-day no dairy, raw diet. it's not totally different than my real diet, just no dairy.
maybe it's other things.
it's not coffee. for sure.
whatever it is, i feel alive.

yes. yes. please.

2011-03-01T11:52:00.001-06:00

nerd boyfriend huh. wow. haaaaaaaay. http://nerdboyfriend.com/

oh or this... haaaay. http://sexymanbeards.tumblr.com/

All things Go

2011-02-24T09:07:00.001-06:00

I do realize I haven't been taking many pictures lately. One of the reasons is because my camera lens on the 'ole iPhone was scratched to the point of no repair. Thanks Issac from the apple store who fixed me up and now I have a new Ian the iPhone and I am happily taking pictures again.
This past three-day weekend was busy and fun-filled. Watched Franks, listened to Jazz, went to a meat market... but didn't like any part of it, didn't eat meat, visited the Garfield Park Conservatory, slept, ate... was happy. This weekend I plan to do my taxes, take long walks with Stella, see TMLMTBGB with Philip and gang, eat good food...maybe even make some art. Oh and going to see the Vivian Maier show at Cultural Center.. SEE HERE.

All Things Go... new motto and name of new record that comes out March 1st by Alexander Ebert. Can't flippin' wait.

Franklin and Stella before the storm (or during)

Meat Market... torture.

Garfield Park Conservatory... A-mazingness.

For a rainy day...stocking up on juice-box wine.

Stella the sleeping beauty.

So much to blog about

2011-02-16T10:00:00.000-06:00

Woah. So much to blog about. Don't know where to start. Let's see. First, great things found on the interwebs.

http://keepitskinny.wordpress.com/2011/02/08/more-flourless-pb-cookies/ Made these... big hit. Yum.

http://www.mossiere.com/product/raw-pyrite-nugget-necklace mama wants (scratch that.. mama got)

http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-RXDXqpKs0Oo/TVVUWxq1u-I/AAAAAAAAcB8/7JAFt3F6aSo/s1600/darling-lets-be-adventurers-print.jpg like so much. repeat and repeat.

http://www.redcottageinc.com/redcottageinc/hudson/Pages/tenb_t.html#17 I need to have this house, or at least stay in it soon. very very soon.

New wallet. haaaaay I got it in washed brown. .http://mariahinafrica.blogspot.com/2011/02/rennes.html

Check out this film. It's about the stress on our children to be perfect, better, faster, so on... I am going to see it in HP on February 28th from 6:30-8:30 if anyone is interested! http://www.racetonowhere.com/trailers-clips

New Warby parkers. Too bad I love my current ones and my old ones from SEE to need any right now. These are super hot. http://www.warbyparker.com/New-Collection-2011 I love the Begley... hotness.

This weekend, I took a little roadtrip to St. Louis to see Interpol. Fun weekend. Great show. Good dirty martinis, lots of emotional moments. Amazzzzzing breakfast at Winslow's Home (SEE HERE) and then got a hot little coach purse circa 1980 at an antique place on the way back north to chitown. Lovelyness. Sweater weather with no socks... major. Loving this warmer weather for sure.

I die.

2011-02-04T17:25:00.000-06:00

Woah. Emotional Day. Not quite sure why. First, I saw this:
http://www.kellehampton.com/2011/02/shaken.html

cried. buckets.

Then, I saw this:
http://joannagoddard.blogspot.com/2011/02/opus.html
i. die.

Then this:
http://hamadahideaki.jugem.jp/

I need a child like this. stat.

Then this:
http://blackeiffel.blogspot.com/2011/01/everything-is-going-to-be-amazing.html

you are right, everything is going to be amazing.

Then this:
http://happenstanceca.blogspot.com/2011/01/matchbook-magazine-take-aways.html

shit i love warby parker

Then this:
http://www.oncewed.com/39314/wedding-blog/real-weddings/sweet-australian-elopement/

love the look of these two peeps. screams love.

And this:
http://alkeemi.blogspot.com/2010/11/mr-mrs.html

yet another reason I love our president.

And this:
http://www.flickr.com/groups/vintagebride/pool/with/2253620087/

So fucking beautiful. can't stand it.

That's all for now. Crying over.

Check us out...

2011-02-04T15:48:00.002-06:00

P and I were on Today's Letter's this morning. Fist Pump Friday's ya'll. I love TL... they are great people and I love the fist pump and leg kick fridays. What a great way to end a week!

oh pandora... you know me so well....

2011-02-04T10:21:00.003-06:00

Slow Friday at school. Grades, lesson planning... jamming to Pandora.

Pandora knows me so well...

Broken Bells, Your head is on fire
Rolling Stones, Satisfaction
Iron&Wine, Communion Cups
PB&J, Let's Call it off
Kate Nash, Merry Happy
Say Hi to your Mom, The stars just blink for us
Edward Sharpe and the Magnetic Zeros, Home
Marvin Gaye, I heard it through the Grapevine
The Animals, House of the Rising Sun

Snow Days!

2011-02-04T08:01:00.002-06:00

The third largest blizzard hit Chicago this week and it was marvelous! I stayed up north with friends until yesterday when I finally dug my car out, grabbed stella and drove home. LSD and many of the Hyde Park streets are still pretty blocked, but it has been a great week off from school.... I am so lucky and thankful that I hit the road early on Tuesday to head up north. The 30 minute drive took me 2 hours, but I didn't get stuck on LSD all night (some were on it for 9 hours and had to be rescued!). While taking side streets, and regularly checking in with Philip on the drive, I pull up to a light and look over to see him! It was crazy. We laughed, I snorted, and we went on our way. hehe. Here is a pic from his Flickr account... Haaaaay

On another note: I am officially allergic to shellfish. David made conch soup last night with conch frozen from Belize... me=sick as a dog all night and some this morning. I love it, but my body hates it.

Friday! I need a break. Wow, that sounds so twisted, but it's true. I am happy for the weekend!

Fear Itself

2011-02-01T12:56:00.000-06:00

After an extended weekend (PD day Friday, ski weekend in the mitten, blowing off school yesterday), I am back at school. Well, Zombie Al is. I am so ready to get outta here and hibernate for the next few days as we get a real snow storm. I hope it comes, and I hope it stays. I want to curl up with the stel and books and movies and drinks.

Fear is on my mind lately. What am I so afraid of? Why I am afraid? What are you afraid of?

This morning, my interweb-blog-buddies E&T posted a talk they did called re-engage. It blew my mind. I cried during much of it. It makes me sad sometimes that I didn't work harder, and that fear got the best of me. Those two are so strong and so honest in their marriage, its just amazing. Listen to it HERE! Today's Letters!

I am totally loving ballet. It makes me feel delicate, powerful, strong, and graceful. I am so thankful for it.

I am also so thankful for my BFF and her new BF. I've been thinking lots and lots about them recently, and after meeting TKS (nicknames) and seeing my bestie of 23 years with someone she loves, my life somehow feels complete and very much in order. I know something made the two of them meet, because they are perfect for one another. I could not seriously be happier for them. I could see them getting old together ... no joke. So many happy tears in my eyes. All weekend. My bestie K is the best. She has been my better half for all of my life and I wouldn't be here without her. She saves me constantly. From myself, and from life. I am so so so thankful for her. And, I am so happy for her. Happy to the point of wanting to scream it from the tallest mountains! K is in love. It's amazing. We danced, drank, laughed, and I asked lots of questions. At one point in the car ride, someone texted me asking how it was going. I replied, "T drives, I ask questions, he answers. K giggles and sleeps, we jam to music. I stay a liberal while T stays a republican." haha. Story of our lives people.

Be safe when driving ya'll.

A girl can dream right?

2011-01-27T09:56:00.000-06:00

Crazy-ass week in Ally land.
Fights, bruises, cries, lost earring (all from fights).Laughs, cold, food, friends, students, mca, art, smiles.
Next up: Skiing with Bff and her Bf.

Found around town (aka the interwebs)
OH AND ITS CASSEROLE week on Apartment Therapy Kitchen... go check that shit out.

This amazing video. I can dream of a happily-ever-after right? I can dream of a wedding some day? This would be my dream if I am allowed. I love her outfit and the flowers, and the water, and the everything. Beauty. Oh and OF COURSE it's french. That's how they do. http://vimeo.com/14182488

Have you ever heard of a Chioggia beet ya'll? It's nuts. And Beautiful. I have to find and try and cook and take pictures of it. Soon. http://www.thekitchn.com/thekitchn/ingredients-vegetables/ingredient-spotlight-chioggia-beet-109155

This poster is A-mazing. It's true, it's cute, and I want to get one of my kids to make it. Loves it. http://www.ohdeedoh.com/ohdeedoh/artwork/golden-rule-letterpress-poster-137626

A very interesting new little mag that I found while surfing. There is a girl that lives in Brooklyn in it. I love her but I hate her. She reminds me of me but she looks like she tries too hard. Anyway, cool mag. I like how they describe a matchbook girl:
THE matchbook girl...

VIEWS THE WORLD THROUGH ROSE COLORED GLASSES • LOVES TO THROW DINNER PARTIES, BUT HAS BEEN KNOWN TO BURN THE ROAST • VALUES ECCENTRICITY OVER CONVENTION • IS THE FIRST TO LAUGH AT HER OWN BAD JOKES • KNOWS THE CHA-CHA, THE CHARLESTON, AND THE TANGO • PAINTS HER NAILS BRIGHT CORAL WHEN SHE'S FEELING BLUE • IS INFINITELY CURIOUS • COULD HAPPILY LIVE OFF OF RED VELVET CAKE • PENS HAND WRITTEN NOTES TO HER GRANDMOTHER • HAS A SIGNATURE SHADE OF LIPSTICK • SECRETLY THINKS SHE MAY BE BABE PALEY REINCARNATED • RECEIVED AN iPAD FOR HER BIRTHDAY, BUT WILL NEVER GIVE UP HER LIBRARY CARD • HAS A BUCKET LIST A MILE LONG AND DREAMS A DIME A DOZEN • IS SMART, BUT NEVER A SHOW-OFF • LISTENS TO THE DAY'S FORECAST, BUT TRUSTS HER OWN INTUITION • NEVER SAYS NO TO A SUNDAY MATINEE AT THE THEATER • IS QUICK TO BLUSH, BUT NEVER SHORT OF A WITTY REPLY • HAS A SKIP IN HER STEP AND A TWINKLE IN HER EYE •ALWAYS SHARES HER LAST PIECE OF GUM

monday moans

2011-01-24T08:46:00.000-06:00

i am moaning because it's monday and i went to bed late. i also didn't paint my bathroom which was on my list of to-do.

however, i continue to add to that list with two more items this lovely, cold, january morning.

Rose of Jericho. Like many things lately, seeing this makes me think I need it because of it's similarities to me. It's closed off until you put it in water. It's kind-of amazing, beautiful in a simple way, and "should be allowed to go dormant periodically." damn. that is me. Anyway, I want one. yesterday. http://www.fisheaters.com/roseofjericho.html

Also on my crafting list is to get a globe and do this to it. I have to the tools, now I just need to do it. wish i had someone to craft with. it would be more fun while drinking bloody's and listening to animal collective.
http://shannoneileenblog.typepad.com/happiness-is/2011/01/chalkboard-globes.html

yesterday was our first bookclub. huge success. i made pretty amazing dark chocolate cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. everyone had two. that's a success in my book. this weekend is a weekend with katie and tripp. i can't wait to get to know him and nickname him. well and to meet him. duh.

stella and franks have become official bffs. i like this and it makes my world feel more complete. i am so lucky to have such good friends. lucky lucky lucky.

Colombia pictures

2011-01-21T10:26:00.000-06:00

Ok. I need to start showing some of these. Today, I will pick three. Bogota. Harley Store while I was drunk. Took it for my dad. He didn't seem to think it was as cool as I did. Horseback riding on Christmas. I seriously can't believe that is what I did on Christmas. And hike in the wax palm forest. amazingness.

winter picnics? yes please!

2011-01-21T08:34:00.000-06:00

This looks so amazing, I wish it wasn't -58 degrees outside. No, but really I was running super late for school because stella turned off my alarm this morning and I overslept.... and so I took this screen-grab as I was stuck in 290 traffic. 1 degree out (but feels like -14). one. fucking cold.

Anyway, I wish it was a tad bit warmer, because I want to do this so so bad.
WINTER PICNIC!!!! I would make my favorite HTMWhimsy (thanks ham-bone for your made-up words) which is like a hot-toddy but with cider and my dog and we would picnic. it would be magical.

Vivian Maier

2011-01-20T08:52:00.000-06:00

Vivian Maier is an artist I found recently because of her show at the Cultural Center. She is mysterious, and a wonderful photographer. Here is a blog of the man that discovered her, shortly before she died in 2009. He developed and published her work including the show that is downtown. I am really excited to see it. She was amazing. A nanny for nearly 40 years, and homeless for some of her life, she was french and wore mens clothing. What is cooler than that? http://vivianmaier.blogspot.com/

On another note: for $5 I can get a love letter and an original piece of art. That is pretty amazing too. Lots of finds today. http://callmebalthazar.com/letter/

Amazing artist

2011-01-19T10:48:00.001-06:00

Mabel Pike is an amazing bead-worker. Her little video can be found below. She is totally rad.

http://www.etsy.com/storque/handmade-life/handmade-portraits-mabel-pike-11572/

bored

2011-01-19T08:27:00.000-06:00

I set up an account on an online-dating-site last night. why? because I am BORED. I take stella for long walks (let's be honest, they aren't THAT long right now), I paint, I plan, I organize, I cook. I read, I groom, I chat and hang with friends. But I am still bored. And if I am going to stay in the cold-ass city for any length of time, I want someone to do something with.

P& I had a funny afternoon drinking bloody's, letting the frenchies go-at-it, and watching movie trailers. I flippin' love him.

Help! Adopt Rinah!

2011-01-18T08:07:00.000-06:00

Yesterday, I was catching up on the blogs and found something that completely blew me away and made me cry. I donated, and if you feel so moved, you should too...
http://www.adoptrinah.com/adoptrinah/home.html

happiness in january... it's a winter miracle.

2011-01-14T13:23:00.000-06:00

I am so happy lately. It seems it's the month of birthdays. Which is great when you are happy, because it's nice to celebrate with others. Last night, I went to two parties one for a little and one for an old:) I am missing a very special birthday next week, but will light a candle and think fondly and hope that is enough.

Grapefruit. I love it. No sugar. Plain jane. amazingness.

Tomorrow is the NTL pinning ceremony for National Boards. I am actually feeling better today than earlier in the week about it. I was sad that the one person that helped me so much throughout the whole process wasn't speaking to me. I REALLLLLLY wanted to invite him to show him how much he made a difference in my life, in the experience, and thank him. I hope one day he knows how thankful I am.

An old friend moved in October to San Fran... we have been emailing and she sent me this quote she had seen when Madonna was on Oprah that stuck with her, and that I really like too... She regrets absolutely nothing in life. That is me. I am not going to regret. I am going to grow and learn. For reals. It feels so much better. Shit, I still cry daily. But so many other things in life are more important then regretting. Loving. Hoping. Reflecting. Reading. Laughing. Even crying. Friendship. I am so so thankful, and therefor, so so happy.

Thanks to the kind words this week. You know who you are:)

Yay for a three-day weekend. Marwen and pinning and housewarming for my teacher-friend and expectant mother Joyce. Taking some students to the movies Sunday waaaaay on the south side and sushi with my girl Heather. Philip time Monday.

Grain and Gram

2011-01-14T08:08:00.001-06:00

Um. yes please. I had a late night out celebrating birthdays that involved meat. Maybe it's the meat talking, or the lack of sleep... but whatever the reason this site/videos hit me hard this morning while I was drinking my latte. Wow. These men are beautiful and the way that work the wood.... (it sounds dirty because it's so beautiful it's sexy).....

Oh Grain and Gram. Send a twin you my way someday...

http://grainandgram.com/blog/

Videos...http://vimeo.com/18416382 and http://vimeo.com/13114334

Oh boy.

2011-01-11T08:29:00.000-06:00

Flashback to May and this post with a great poem about the empty bed:

http://chitownteacher.blogspot.com/2010/05/wednesday.html

I am not ashamed to say that I am more of a mess but so much more honest than I was in May. However, from posts I can see the breakdown/breakthrough happen. Last night, I woke up at midnight and couldn't sleep. I had a vivid dream about falling in love and it was so wonderful except then I woke up. I couldn't fall back asleep and I was sad so I started looking back on past blogs. This poem still holds true 6/7 days a week. Even sleeping with Stella the bed-hog.

Snow has fallen on Chicago. It's kinda pretty.

PYK cracks me up. He loves Wii dancing so much. I love that about him.

when everything is finished...

2011-01-10T10:16:00.000-06:00

“There will come a time when you believe everything is finished. That will be the beginning.”

~Louis L’Amour

Today is that day. This year so far has been that feeling. So this is the beginning huh. I am nervous, but excited. Sad, but positive. Hopeless, but becoming more and more hopeful. I have cut ties, said goodbyes, and am trying to feel closure. Nights are hard. Friends make it easier. To the beginning.... (thanks Sunshine on a cloudy day)

On a less heavy note: Katie came to visit and we had a blast. MCA, Jimmy's, Epic Burger, Sushi, Dancing, Z&H, Conservatory. Art, food, friends, birthdays, goodbyes. It was a lovely weekend. We have already planned another weekend. I get to meet her BF and go skiing. In 2 weeks! yay!

organization

2011-01-07T09:45:00.000-06:00

ya'll know how I love me some organization. Here is it is in the form of firewood. so beautiful. I love love love it.
http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/chicago/organizing/organized-firewood-136265

A Hyde Park house tour I think P&D could appreciate. It's a little crazy, but unique
http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/chicago/house-tours/sallys-frenchglam-hyde-park-home-house-tour-136115

One of my favorite Chicago restaurants opened some rooms to stay. I love the L&E bathrooms...
http://www.apartmenttherapy.com/chicago/bathroom/vintage-meets-modern-bathroom-design-at-longman-eagle-136232

Composting. I am going to start that too this year. First step, get my condo peeps involved. Then, buy this: http://www.simplehuman.com/products/kitchen-organization/compost-pail.html
and I am still researching for the right bin to go outside....

EmersonMade

2011-01-07T08:18:00.001-06:00

I.want.everything.here.
http://www.emersonmade.com/

Especially that brass button number. I think I needs it...

New Years Resolutions

2011-01-07T08:08:00.000-06:00

I usually hate them. By June, I don't even know what my resolution was. However, this year I am going to make one that I am going to keep. To be nice. To be nice to my downstairs neighbor even though she isn't the friendly-est person in the world, to be nice to the creepy dog man who's poodle likes to hump Stella (which she can't stand herself), and to be nice to the teacher across the hall who most mornings is huffing and puffing up the stairs to her room because she needs to quit smoking and then comes into my room to sharpen pencils on my electric pencil sharpener and smells of cigs. Most mornings I want to lock my door. Most mornings I don't make conversation. Most mornings I just want to yell, "get your own sharpener!". But its 2011. I am going to be still and smile and be nice.

trust

2011-01-06T22:23:00.000-06:00

How do you know to trust someone or not? For me, I trust way to fast. Now that I am getting older (and wiser I hope), I am having a big issue with trusting people and understanding what that trust means. It's a tricky thing, trust. I have trust in the world, or at least I did at some point. Now, I can't trust that things are going to end up okay, or that my students are going to "make it". I have trust in friends. I trust that they keep secrets, promises, and our friendship. I do trust friends. Trusting has become so frickin' difficult. Maybe its because I don't trust myself. Maybe it's because I am learning to trust myself. I am not sure. But it is what it is and I am growing today, I just feel it. And I still don't trust.

And stella is licking the cocoa butter off of my arm. silly frenchie.

Honesty.

2011-01-06T10:38:00.001-06:00

If this year is about honesty, I will be honest: today isn't my favorite day. No alarm, late for school, poured coffee on my iphone. Still having feelings that I don't trust people.. Damn. Three good days, then one shit one.

Yesterday, I went the Garfield Park Conservatory and found banana trees and ferns. I found my Colombia. It was magical.

Colombia, Part one: Bogota

2011-01-05T10:28:00.000-06:00

Colombia was very very beautiful. Here is a picture from Norma and Carlos... now great friends from Bogota. I will be downloading more when I get my computer fixed today!

Hope

2011-01-03T10:50:00.000-06:00

Hope for today.

http://shannoneileenblog.typepad.com/happiness-is/2010/12/life-resolutions.html

If I could get away today, I would go here forever....

http://www.rollinghuts.com/index.htm

Recap of 2010

2011-01-03T10:30:00.000-06:00

January: I was miserable. Winter is Chicago is tough, and I was unhappy. We celebrated Stella's 1st year with us.
Febuary: Still pretty unhappy, covering it up well. Took a trip to Lake Geneva where I was a complete bitch and gained even more weight. Stella met a horse for the first time.
March: Passed in my portfolio and proceeded to get drunk. Made some silly comments, stupid remarks, and some major decisions.
April: My life really hit the pits. I turned 27 and what I thought would be a year of celebrations, babies, and happiness turned into a year of hell. Went to NYC with P&D.
May: Got a divorce.
June: Lost more and more weight. Started dating, thought I was fine.
July: Brooklyn, Michigan. All a blur of drinking, not-eating, fake-ness.
August: Seattle, wedding, meeting of an old friend. School started but the parties didn't.
September: Started to love escaping my life. Went on an adventure to remember in upstate NY and the east-coast. Loved feeling the air and feel the earth.
October: Finished up my adventure. Tried not thinking about the year before. Said goodbye to a wonderful soul in Philly. Kept telling myself I was ok.
November: Blog 5 year anniversary. Another beautiful wedding. Madness. Sadness. Brooklyn in the fall. Nutcracker practices. Stella turned two.
December: Escapes and Runaways. Saw an unbelievable part of the world, Colombia. Collapsed.

This year will be different. And honest.
I have a hint of hope and hopefully each day that hint will grow.

Enough. You are Enough. -Chris Trout

2010-12-06T08:33:00.001-06:00

Updates:

There is a Homeless woman who lives/stays on the streets of HP. She is always around, and I gave her some Home-made gumbo last year on Christmas. Last night, while driving home around 9:30pm, there she was, sleeping in a chair, in a sleeping bag with a trash bag over her head. She almost looked dead. She isn't friendly, so I fought every urge to go ask her to come into my house to stay because I knew I wouldn't get her to come and that she would probably make me feel bad. It's so sad it makes me cry.
I have the coolest roommate/housemate. Seriously. She and I have bonded over the past week because of a blog we both read quite obsessively, well that I read obsessively anyway. The blog is Kate Miss by the way. My housemate, M, also really appreciates Stella and 'gets' her. I love seeing updates on FB about Stella taking over something M is working on, or just taking over her bed. It's pretty hilarious and we have both been catching ourselves saying a lot lately, "Seriously Stella". Seriously.
I miss wearing a ring on my finger. I don't always miss what it meant because it didn't mean what it was supposed to mean, but I still miss it nevertheless. I have been wearing a few rings on my right finger. It bothers me when I don't have a ring on now. Weird how that happens. A certain, un-named someone wears a ring on his right hand that I gave him (sorta) while on a visit. It makes me feel all warm inside because I hope when he looks at it, he thinks of me. That's what rings are supposed to mean right? However, I am pretty sure that isn't the case and he just likes a nice ring like the next person. Le Sigh.
Teepees. I love them. Want to have one or live in one. These are pretty amazing...http://www.yellowbirdteepees.com/
This week, papers, nutcrackering, field trip to HPAC, parties, friends, mom visits, grant awards, therapy, yelp, packing, bye to stella, laundry, card games, more friends, books from amazon, clothes from s&c arrive, and waiting patiently for my Kate Miss necklace!!! One week from today I will be flying south like a goose... heading to south america. Hoot fucking hoot.

blogging like it's my job...

2010-12-01T10:10:00.000-06:00

WOW. not getting work done today and blogging instead.
I want this child. He is so flippin' cute. Thanks Apartment Therapy

I really would love this: The Knitting Clock. It's such a great idea. Too bad it's not for sale. It would be so soothing and I think quite healing to have in my home. The quiet reminder that life moves on. Le sigh....

Snow is falling. Here's what I am looking at...

Brie is on my list of things I can't eat because I will eat wayyyyy too much. However, I can still lust: http://www.thekitchn.com/thekitchn/beyond-baked-brie-new-things-to-do-with-a-wheel-of-cheese-133603

My new NY friend Chelsey and I had dinner in Chicago last night. She is so rad. She told me about this book which I immediately went out and bought for the Colombian trip. I sometimes feel like I am living my life through music and stories that others have told. For example, Eat, Pray, Love... me. Isn't it Ironic by Alanis...me. Kristin Kimball... want to be her. or I want it to be me. Just need to find a nice farmer who wants babies and likes organization. The Dirty Life. Can't wait to hop on a plane and start it!

AIRBNB

2010-12-01T08:33:00.000-06:00

http://www.airbnb.com/

Peeps have been asking me about how I stayed in someone's place in Brooklyn and so I thought I would share the site. I will never stay in a hotel again. Seriously. It's the best thing in the world... to live in a city and not feel like you're a tourist there. Chelsey was completely amazing, and I would recommend her place a million times over. However, you all should check it out yourselves so you find amazing places in amazing cities when you travel. Do it up dudes.